THIS WEEK AT THE ALAMO: The Alamo Guide… in Blog Form
School's out, graduation weekend has come and gone, and the temperature is pushing past the 90s. Hell yeah. Hello, summer! It's nice to have you back. This summer is already shaping up to be one of the least disappointing in terms of blockbusters, too, with IRON MAN obviously being hands-down *amazing*, and after some rumors of meh-ness and fears of another EPISODE I debacle,, INDIANA JONES is getting really good reviews, too. Add in the fact that I don't think they make enough liquor in the world to fill the cosmos we'll all be drinking during SEX AND THE CITY, and I almost don't care whether the water in Barton Creek is flowing like mad this year or not!
FEATURED SHOWS AND EVENTS AT THE ALAMO RITZ
- INDIANA JONES AND THE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL -
: Alamo Ritz : Opens Weds, May 21 : Midnight :
You know you're going to see it, so you should see it in the theaters. And when you're seeing something in the theaters, you should *always* go to the Alamo, but that holds especially true for INDIANA JONES. Join us at the Ritz for menu specials as well as a USA vs. Russia vodka special. Can Tito's defeat the forces of Stoli? Your mouth will be the battleground. Plus, all three Austin Alamos will have menu specials based on the locations of all four INDY movies!
- THE ALAMO CRAWFISH BOIL -
: Tim & Karrie League's House :Sat, May 24 : 5pm
This one isn't at the Ritz, it's at Tim and Karrie's *other* house, the one where they actually sleep. Chef John Bullington is coming over, we're setting up tables and chairs, and we're going to be boiling living creatures so we can eat them. The crawfish will be hot, the beer will be cold, and the good times are guaranteed.
- SEX AND THE CITY -
: Alamo Ritz : Opens May 30 :
Holy Manolo Blahniks! The opening weekend of SEX AND THE CITY at the Ritz is already sold out! If you don't want to miss out on the ultimate girl's nights out this summer, with Carrie, Samantha, Miranda, Charlotte, and most importantly cosmos, grab your tickets to the second weekend now! If you can handle a first viewing without cosmos, scroll down to the Village part of this email and grab your tickets to their shows on opening weekend, then come back for a cosmo with your second viewing!
- the MONSTER ROCK Sing-Along -
: Alamo Ritz : Thurs, June 5 :
I've said it before, and I'll say it again - this show will DESTROY YOUR FACE. Consider it the sequel to our annual LOVE BITES Power Ballad Sing-Along; the MONSTER ROCK Sing-Along has several of those same rockers, but this time their amps are plugged in. Plus, we've added bands that never got pussy enough to sing a ballad and couldn't help rocking out ALL THE TIME. Expect a lot of explosions, girls in bikinis, and men wearing three inches of make up under their rocking perms.
- the TOM JONES Birthday Sing-Along -
: Alamo Ritz : Sat, June 7 :
A few years back, Tom Jones was considered a corny idol for your mom, but that era of foolishness is now forever behind us and everyone now knows that he is, and always has been, the ultimate man's man, the powerhouse you need in any self-respecting bachelor pad, and the only reason any of us continue going to Las Vegas now that the entirety of the strip is covered with that pansy theme park stuff. Tom is swank, hip, and sexy in a way that some of you still can't admit to, but deep down every single one of us aspires to imitate.
FEATURED SHOWS AND EVENTS AT THE ALAMO SOUTH LAMAR
- Uwe Boll's POSTAL -
: Alamo South Lamar : Opens Fri, May 23 :
POSTAL is insulting, irreverent, politically incorrect and funny as hell. Cult director Uwe Boll has been called all the bad names in the book by the critics. Now he's fighting back. From the opening scene that takes place inside the cockpit as terrorists fly a jet into the twin towers, POSTAL grabs you by your nutsack, squeezes hard, and never lets go. Sometimes it hurts, but later on you start to miss the pain, and then no other hooker will be good enough for you.
- Fantastic Fest presents MACHINE GIRL -
: Alamo South Lamar : Monday, June 2 : 10pm :
Initially slated for Fantastic Fest 2008, THE MACHINE GIRL was bought by Media Blasters and will come out before the fest. So we're offering up this giddy gorefest as a free screening for Fantastic Fest badge-holders. One more reason to get a badge early. Look for more of these in the months leading up to the big event!
FEATURED SHOWS AND EVENTS AT THE ALAMO VILLAGE
- SEX AND THE CITY -
: Alamo Village : Opens Fri, May 30 :
Okay, so we don't have a full liquor license at the Village, and therefore can't serve you cosmos with the movie. But we still have delicious sangrias and wines and everything else to offer you, and if you want to be among the first to find out if Big dies or Steve really cheated on Miranda or Charlotte runs back to Trey after hearing about Bunny's horrible accident, you can join us at the Village on opening weekend!