LOVE BITES Sing-Along

Ah, Valentine's Day. It's one of the busiest days of the year in the restaurant business, and for some of us, it's a night of long gazes across that candle-lit table into the eyes of the person of our dreams. Our hands reach across the linen table-cloth, our fingers gently brush against each others', and our loins fueled by wine are just ready and waiting for a tumble in our satin sheets covered with rose petals. For the rest of us, Valentine's Day is a time to remember how we didn't even get the little "I choo-choo-choose you" cards in our paper mailbox at the end of our desk in elementary school, even though it was a CLASS ASSIGNMENT to find one special thing about all of your classmates and write it on a Valentine. Seriously, Mrs. Shellhouse's third grade class? You can't find ONE THING to write on a Valentine to me? WHY DO YOU HAVE TO MOCK US SO, HALLMARK SPONSORED HOLIDAY???

Fortunately, there is an entire genre of music made just for our pain, and it just happens to also be the most badass music ever: POWER BALLADS. When metal went glam, and glam boys needed radio hits to afford the fancy hair product they'd grown addicted to, they slowed it down a bit for the ladies and created the anthems that would become theme songs for an entire generation. We update this show a little bit every year, and this seventh year of LOVE BITES will prove to be the greatest yet. We'll hold lighters in the air and sway, we'll pound our fists at the sky in defiance of those who would dare not love us, and we'll do it all with teased hair and animal print tights on. Featuring the music of Guns 'n Roses, REO Speedwagon, Warrant, and more.

It's okay to cry, just make sure your hair is big while you do it. (Henri Mazza)