Five Awesome Reasons that PREDATORS is Awesome
I have zero interest in providing any spoilers about PREDATORS here, but if you're like me and love to watch a movie without even seeing a trailer for it so you have NO idea what's going on, then of course you should skip this post until you've seen the film. But without going into a plot synopsis or a real review or any of that nonsense, here are my top five reasons why PREDATORS is awesome:
5. An Elite Group of Highly Trained Strangers Brought Together for One Impossible Job!
[caption align="aligncenter" width="450" caption="This elite squad is way ready for Mission: Homeroom"][/caption]
From THE DIRTY DOZEN to OCEAN'S 78,000, any time you bring together a group of highly trained specialists for one specialized job, awesomeness is sure to ensue. No general brings this group together, though, instead some totally unknown force just picks them because they're elite and because the predators can do whatever the hell they want. Once the group is together, though, they get to bicker, fight, and do all the other stuff Romero likes to use to remind us that the real monster just may be ourselves.
4. Booby Traps!
[caption align="aligncenter" width="450" caption="I resisted the urge to post an image of boobies, so this blog is officially family friendly"][/caption]
What's not to love about booby traps? Ever since I first saw Indiana Jones outrun that boulder, I've thought booby traps are just about the coolest thing ever (also, the word "booby" is in the name, and that just gives me a fun excuse to picture a trap full of breasts, i.e. the best trap ever). PREDATORS is *full* of booby traps, and while none feature any boobies, they do lead to some awesome kills and even more awesome near-misses.
3. Austin Landmarks!
[caption align="aligncenter" width="450" caption="These sunbathers seem oddly relaxed for prisoners on an alien hunting preserve planet."][/caption]
Okay, this clearly won't be a top five reason for people who don't live here, but there's always something fun about seeing a movie shot in your hometown. One minute you're watching a ragtag band of warriors make their way through the jungle, but then you look at the scenery and say, "Hey! I've totally been swimming there!" Then you get to appreciate the fact that no aliens were hunting you, and that helps you realize that your life is pretty great even if you don't have amazing abs like the newly buff Adrien Brody.
2. Massive Leaps of Intuition!
[caption align="aligncenter" width="450" caption="Sorry ladies, Brody has his Eureka Moments *without* disrobing and getting in a tub."][/caption]
This might sound like I'm judging the plot, but seriously, one of the things that makes this movie so much damned fun is that they don't really get bogged down in the details. Brody's character is able to automatically infer so much, and we trust him because clearly he was some sort of black ops super secret specialist or something back home. How that lets him IMMEDIATELY understand that the entire alien planet they're on is a hunting preserve instead of assuming that maybe there's a city elsewhere on the planet they could walk to is beyond me, but it's great to get past the idea of trying to find that city and just thinking, "Shit! It's the whole planet! Of course!"
Also, if you want to make a party out of it, play a drinking game where you take huge sips every time a character makes one of those massive leaps. You might not remember the ending if you do, but that'll just give you an excuse to play again when it's out on bluray.
1. Awesome One-Liners!
[caption align="aligncenter" width="450" caption="You leave in pieces, asshole!"][/caption]
This is a film that knows what it is, and part of that is a throwback to the awesome action movies of the '80s. And while people in real life or death situations may or may not have witty phrases that they yell out while shooting their guns at scary monsters, people in awesome action movies ALWAYS do. So yeah, I don't want to give too much away, but watch for when Brody actually says, "Say goodbye to your little friend." HOLY SHIT THEY WENT THERE.
And really, that's the best reason to see PREDATORS this weekend. They go there, time and time again. And then they go further than "there." Amazing!
Uh-oh - it's 5pm. I've got important work to do...
PREDATORS is now playing at the Alamo Ritz and Lake Creek in Austin, West Oaks and Mason Park in Houston, Westlakes and Park North in San Antonio, and in Winchester! Check it out this weekend and leave any extra reasons why it was awesome in the comments.