I swear to god this is happening:
Battle of the Animal Bands!
Real Cats VS. Unicorn + Eagle + Puppy!
THE ROCKCATS vs. THE CHARLES EDWARD CHEESE BAND!!!
Sat Feb 12 at The Ritz!
NOW ON SALE!!!
THIS IS NOT A JOKE.
Imagine, if you will, a TOURING ROCK & ROLL BAND comprised of REGULAR HOUSECATS. Playing their own instruments. Drums. Guitar. Synthesizer.
Now...imagine watching them perform LIVE.
Finally...imagine them going head-to-head in fierce musical combat against a pizza-obsessed group of robotic animals that include a puppy, an eagle and a unicorn.
WE'RE NOT MAKING THIS UP.
For one night only at the Alamo Ritz, you will be witness to the single most insane and unbelievable musical performance in the world's history. The ultimate musical clash between genuine animals and mythical beasts. Chicago's THE ROCKCATS will take the stage, playing original compositions as well as some of your favorite songs. TUNA wails on the lead guitar, NUE attacks the keys of the synthesizer, and FIJI slams the drums! NO RULES!!
Then, after you've already been decimated by unbridled feline talent, you'll be rocketed into the farthest reaches of the rock n' roll galaxy by Austin's own all-animal supergroup THE CHARLES EDWARD CHEESE BAND! These pizza-loving maniacs are undeniably the World's Greatest Music Combo, led by CHARLES THE UNICORN, with the bass wizardry of GENE THE EAGLE and the percussive power of DOGGY DRUMMER!
PLUS!: All of this will be preceded by an all-cat stunt show performed by THE ACROCATS!
At the end, YOU THE AUDIENCE chooses the victorious band, who will be awarded crowns and be famous forever! I don't think I need to tell you that this is the DO NOT MISS SHOW OF THE MILLENNIUM, and tickets are cheap as hell. Kids are invited too! So pick 'em up now as they won't last long, and this is a show you will remember for the REST OF YOUR LIFE!!
PS: Your friends will never believe you.
(Part of this show's proceeds will go to Austin animal charities.)